Sacred.

I love the feeling of being somewhere that is so sacred. I love the peace that I feel when I am there. I love the serenity. I love the love and joy that fills my heart and soul. For me, I have realized that I have multiple places that are sacred. I have the temple, which is the house of the Lord. I have my home in Vegas which means so much to me. I also have South Carolina, a place I lived and served the Lord for a mere 18 months. And lastly, I have this place.

Some people might wonder why on earth the treatment center I absolutely loathed and faced my worst fears in would be so sacred to me, but there are SO many reasons. Mainly, in the years I was in treatment, this is where I came to truly know Him.

The Center for Change is a symbol of my eating disorder I fought for fourteen years. It is the place where I fell on my knees multiple times a day to bear my soul to my Father in Heaven. It is the place where I cried out in my heart to my Savior Jesus Christ to strengthen me and to carry me through. It's the place where I realized that the only time my mind was at peace was when I was praying to my Father or reading my Saviors words through His scriptures and teachings. He truly has "healing in His wings." It is where I overcame some of my most traumatic experiences and began the process of truly learning to love myself for who I am and allowed myself to be vulnerable for the first time in my life. This place is sacred to me because my eating disorder is where I truly came to know Him, my Savior. And I am eternally thankful for that every single day of my life.

I realized that the reason why the temple, my home, and South Carolina are all so sacred to me as well is exactly the same. In all those places I fell on my knees in prayer to God. In all of those places I pleaded with the Lord to help me get through the trials ahead. In all of those places I cried out and bore my soul for Them to hear me and my prayers for not only myself but for others. In all those places I learned what true charity was and learned how to selflessly serve. That is why these places are so unbelievably sacred to me. 

I have come to realize that we can make ANY place sacred as long as Christ is at the center of all that we do. He is the way, the truth, and the light. I am so unbelievably thankful for Him and my Father in Heaven in allowing such places to be this way for me. 

I'm in a airport.

 That's right. I'm sitting at the gate on the way back to SLC because ya girl starts school tomorrow AND because my grandmothers funeral is over. 

First, can I say that airports are getting more and more fancy with their food? Like for real, this one has a Los Taquitos. Pretty sure it means tacos and to me that's a lot fancier than a McDonald's.

Second, a couple just walked by both wearing shirts with a bald eagle and an American flag that I definitely saw at Walmart last week...and every time I've been to Walmart those have been there in the past 10 years. I should just totally cave and buy one, too. 

Third, my grandmothers funeral was a BEAUTIFUL celebration of her life and I'm so thankful that I got to go. My Grandma Joy definitely was her name. I just feel so blessed that I even got to have her as my grandmother. She worked so hard for her family. I mean she was a telephone operator for 37 years, doing the graveyard shift,just so her kids could do extracurricular activities. She was a fashionista that was always looking for a bargain. She loved her cheetah print. Also, her love and devotion she shared with my grandpa Reed for the past almost 70 years is something that I cherish. I think the most heartbreaking thing to watch yesterday was my grandpa. I mean, the woman that he cared for and loved and labored with for the past 70 years was gone. His very best friend. Watching him stand alone as her casket was loaded into the car made me realize more than ever that one of the most important things we can do is strengthen and cherish those eternal relationships here on earth. I'm so thankful for my grandparents and the examples they have set in my own life. I'm so thankful for those precious covenants we make in the temple so that we can be together for forever.

                Grandpa Reed and I!

Fourthly, if that's even a word, in the past week something has been pressing on my heart a TON and I've been pondering it ALL THE STINKING TIME. It's that we  are totally our spirits and we are NOT our bodies. I know I know, you're probably thinking, "old news Em, you've known that since you've exited the womb." But seriously! I've been thinking about it a ton. For example, I am Emily, I am NOT my eating disorder. My spirit is pure, but my body is prone to imperfections and trials. My negative thoughts are not  my spirit. Depression is not my spirit, etc. Every time I've made a decision this week I've asked myself,"is this going to nourish my spirit or is it going to hurt it?" 

So if I had a negative thought about myself, I would cast it out because it wouldn't help my spirit. That's just one example. I know I'm totally rambling but this has just hit me so hard. Everything that I do in life, I want it to nourish my spirit and help me grow eternally. I don't want the fears, negative thoughts, self doubt, mental disorders to harm my eternal growth anymore. I've realized that I will face those things my whole life, but I don't have to entertain them or define who I am. Because who I am is a daughter of an Almighty God. I'm not my eating disorder, I'm not my fears, I'm not my doubts. I am His. 

Drop the Label.

    "Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.

            Behold, he was a man like unto Ammon, the son of Mosiah, yea, and even the other sons of Mosiah, yea, and also Alma and his sons, for they were all men of God.” Alma 48:17-18

             When I first read these verses all I could think was about how much I wanted to be like Moroni! I wanted to become just like him. I wanted the very powers of hell to be shaken forever at my presence! I wanted to be able to be just as righteous and just as faithful as Moroni. Moroni was not perfect, but he was perfectly consecrated to the Lord. He never complained against God and the trials he was given in life, he never forsook the gospel and went out on his own. He was completely humble before the Lord and relied on Him daily because he KNEW that he could not do it alone. Moroni could be labeled as a fearless, faithful follower of God.

            There are many different men and women in the Book of Mormon with many different labels. When one talks about Nephi, it’s always in reverence and awe because of the faith he showed in truly following God in every aspect of his life. When one talks about Laman and Lemuel, it’s always about how they were truly never converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ. They were labeled as doubters and non-believers. When one talks about King Benjamin we always speak of his endless service to God and his fellowman. When one speaks about Korihor, it’s always about how he was faithless, a man that would never be satisfied without proof, a man truly without faith. Then we have Corianton, who I want to spend time on. Whenever one brings up Corianton the first thing anyone ever says is, “oh yeah, he’s the one that broke the law of Chastity.” Or “he’s the black sheep of the family, the one kid that didn’t get it, etc.” or in modern terms you could say, “he’s the one that went home early from his mission because of morality issues he never took care of”. These are his labels. But what we fail to forget is that Corianton CHANGED. He was able to repent and to become clean through the atoning power of our Savior Jesus Christ. His sins were completely washed away. Why then do we keep associating these labels with him?

            In verse 18 something amazing happens at the very end of it. It starts off by saying that Ammon, all the sons of Mosiah, etc. were men JUST like Moroni. Then at the very end it states, “and also Alma AND HIS SONS, for they were ALL MEN OF GOD.” Alma and his sons! “His sons” includes Corianton! Corianton’s label of being a “law of chastity breaker” was dropped when he fell to his knees for forgiveness from our Father. His label of being “a sinner beyond repair” was dropped when he went through the repentance process and felt of the Saviors love and peace. His label of being “a child of the world” dropped when he turned over his whole entire life to Christ and preached His gospel again to the dissenters. Corianton was changed because of the Atonement of Christ.

            We also need to drop the labels that we not only give one another, but what we give ourselves as well.  We are all worthy of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We are all worthy of our Father in Heaven’s forgiveness. In the words of Brad Wilcox, “Worthiness is not flawlessness. Worthiness is honesty.” When we honestly turn to our Father in Heaven and plead for Christ’s grace, our labels are dropped. We become changed. We become like Him. I have such a strong belief that when we get to heaven, Corianton will be a lot different than what we perceived and labeled him in this life because he is changed through Christ.